Permission to Lower the Bar
An off-the-record voice memo on surviving the end-of-summer chaos.
It’s that time of year when the routines that served us in June have completely dissolved, the heat feels relentless, and everyone is just… done. It’s the countdown to the first day of school, but each day feels about a week long. It’s a pressure cooker of sibling fights, last-minute trips, visiting family & the mental load of all things back-to-school.
In this voice memo, I’m wrestling with exactly that. I’m talking through the struggle of trying to be a patient, 10/10 mom when you feel like you’re running on empty. I’m sharing the small, practical shifts I'm making to release some of the pressure (for my kids and for me) and reflecting on a recent moment with one of my kids that was a huge lesson in letting go of my own agenda.
So if you’re also navigating this end-of-summer survival mode, I see you. This one’s for you.
Grab your headphones for a walk or listen while you tackle that mountain of laundry. Or, if you’re a reader, the full transcript is right below. Let's get through this stretch—together. 🤞
Transcript:
OK, this is our first Off the Record voice memo. I don't really have plans for these. It's really about sharing in the moment: What's going on for me, what I'm thinking about, what I'm trying to deal with…just to, I hope, create a little bit more relatability in mom life. I feel like so much of what we see on social media is still planned and so edited, and there's a time and a place for it, but sometimes it's also nice to just hear from someone else about, you know, this is what I'm going through right now. This is what I'm thinking about. And it's okay if it's a little rough around the edges—I'm not going to go back and like edit out that little mispronunciation I just had. I'm going to let it go. I don't have any notes. I'm just going to kind of share my thoughts as we are wrapping up July and heading into August.
These first few weeks of August are absolutely crazy. My kids go back to school in just a little over two weeks from now. And they start so early here in Colorado. But what I know that I'm feeling and you're likely feeling too—and if you're not already, I'm sure you will in the next few weeks—is that these final weeks of summer break tend to be survival mode. It's like, if you had someone in college helping watch your kids, they're going back to school, you're without childcare, camps are done. I've got the kids home for, you know, a solid, I think it's 20 days or something like that. And it's just a lot.
Everyone's tired. It's so hot. Everyone almost gets this kind of cabin fever. I know my two kids are just in each other's space a little too much. There's a lot more fighting and a lot more roughhousing and just kind of the full spectrum of all the behaviors that you don't want to be dealing with and that you just get so drained from dealing with. It's a lot. There's no routine. There's no schedule. There's no flow.
You might be packing in a family vacation. If you are, my last post was sharing my thoughts on our family vacation and just kind of some of my takeaways from that because it was a good trip, but it wasn't the best, most successful trip either. So I just had some takeaways from that that maybe would be helpful if you're heading out of town as well, to go check out. You can listen to it or read it, whatever's easiest for you. I'll link it here in the post.
But anyway, I know that can be a lot of moving parts, and then you're doing all the back-to-school stuff, too, which is a lot. My next post on the Substack will be all about getting ready for back to school. So get ready for that. I'll have a master checklist, kind of a countdown, ways you can spread out those tasks so you're not waiting to the last minute and it feels just a lot more manageable. It can be so much to deal with, especially if you're trying to work and manage the kids at home. It's just a lot.
And I know too, this is the time of year when we get the most visitors. I know we've got like a 15-day window leading right up to when the kids get back to school and we've got at least three sets of visitors from out-of-town coming to visit with us. We're like full-blown hosting, which I love, but it's a lot, and it can be disruptive and it's hard.
Loosening the Grip & Finding Breathing Room
So, when I'm thinking about what can I do to make these days more manageable, I really try to think about where can I loosen up my grip? Because I tend to be someone who expects a 10 out of 10 from my kids all day, every day.
I think about screen time, which is something I've been really wrestling with probably since May. We really pulled back in April and May from screen time, but these weeks leading up to the start of school, I know we're just gonna have to have a little bit of flexibility. Building in some screen time for them could be useful.
I'm for sure requiring a daily quiet time. It's honestly for me more than anyone because I cannot go all day every day. I have to decompress. So I'm building that in.
And then two, I'm just trying to think of little day trips. How can I get us out of the house to just kind of get a little bit of release on the pressure valve? If you stay home for too long, I feel like that's when my kids tend to get at each other. It's too hot for them to realistically just go outside and entertain themselves. So, you know, day trips to the library or a local museum. There's an art museum near us that I've never been to that the kids have never seen. Like, that could be fun. Go for ice cream afterward. Go to an indoor water park. Or today, I took them to the trampoline park for an hour and we went school supply shopping. Just little stuff like that to break up the day, I feel like can be real useful.
I guess I feel like there are definitely moments where I've had enough, where they have had enough. And something I'm learning is that I tend to push back against my kids having had enough and say, "It's fine that you've had enough, but you've got to deal with it." And while that may be true, I'm learning, though, that I have to get better at holding space for what's real for them.
I did that yesterday. We took some friends up to Rocky Mountain National Park, and one of the kids did not want to take a picture with the group. And at first, the approach was just, you know, "Come on, smile. They're here, you know, they want a picture, it's not hard to smile." And then finally, it was just too much, and I stepped out and away and I said:
“I understand that you are really tired. That is very real for you. And I also understand, like, it is hot out. And I believe you that you don't feel good, and I believe you that you do not want to take this picture, and I believe you that it is really frustrating that we're asking you to take this picture.”
And the way I felt their body just relax was very validating, that, oh, I need to just put a little bit more time and effort into not just saying the thing—like, "I know you don't want to take the picture"—but really saying, like, "I understand and I believe you that this is very real for you. I don't think that you're just making this up. I don't think that you're just pretending because you don't want to do it. I know this is real for you."
And helping them feel a little bit more seen and heard, as the summer just drags on, can be, I feel like, a lot more effective. I think sometimes we lose our patience with our own kids' impatience, and it just creates this tension in the house that becomes a vicious cycle.
I know that that's going to be our reality for the next couple of weeks. It's gonna take a lot of deep breaths on my part. It's gonna take a lot of side conversations rather than trying to control the group all at once. I'm learning that that is just—it's not a lazy way of parenting, but it's an ineffective way of parenting. So I think those are kind of my biggest things. Trying to be as intentional about side-barring rather than yelling across the house or trying to mitigate a situation with both kids simultaneously.
And we're going to try to get out for quick little escapes from the house. Do you know what I mean? Like, I'm going to make things up. We're going to the car wash today. I already have the subscription. I don't have to pay extra to do that, but it's going to help us get out of the house, listen to some good music, roll down the windows, you know?
And I'm just going to constantly be reminding myself that it's okay that it's hard. It's okay that it's hard for my kids and it's okay that it's hard for me. And, um... just let go. Not let go of expectations, but just lower the bar, temporarily, for the last few weeks. We're in a survival mode.
Naturally, when we get back into the start of school, I know that things will start to fall into place. We're gonna get back into a rhythm, back into a more regular bedtime. Things will just be more predictable. And so I don't have to worry so much about maintaining the structure that served us at the start of summer; that is not serving us now.
And so it's taking me 10 years, but over the years, I've learned more and more, it's okay that there are seasons when life is a little bit more predictable and routinized and has a rhythm to it. And there are other times that it's okay for things to be a little bit looser and a little bit more responsive to the needs at hand. And I feel like at the end of summer, the need at hand is gentleness, room to breathe, flexibility. That is what our kids need most from us. It's honestly what we probably need most from ourselves.
So that's what I'm focused on in these next few weeks. I will tell you that last week was for sure one of the most draining weeks I'd had yet this summer. I had so many moments where I was just really angry, really frustrated, mostly with myself and how I was trying to deal with whatever little problems came up, which was very impatient and very cranky and reactive. There were a lot of moments where I just had to step away, a lot of moments where I had to say, It's OK that you messed up. It's OK that you lost your temper.
It's just highlighting what still needs to be worked on and where I'm still growing, and, you know, having to move forward from that and not feel caught up in the guilt that comes with those moments where you feel like you're not doing your best as a parent.
So, I don't really have advice. It's really more about just a reflection. Maybe a lot of what I was feeling last week was because I was trying to control things too much. Not so much control the narrative, but just... you know. My husband always likes to say to me, "Not everything's a teaching moment." And yes, I do believe that a teaching moment beats a moment of punishing your kid. There's that, but there also can be, as he's trying to point out to me, moments you can just let stuff go. And I really do think summer is that season, right? You don't have to let go entirely, but give yourself permission to be okay with things just being a little bumpier, things being a little less how you would have them, and just know that things are turning the corner so soon. The school year is coming so fast.
Final Thoughts (For Now)
So, those are my thoughts. Don't need to keep going much longer, but just know if things have been kind of crazy for you, I don't believe that I'm the only one feeling this. I think a lot of us have been feeling this way and kind of going through this, not even just as parents, but just in general. I think everyone is very drained and very tired, and we need some time to just rest and relax. And unfortunately, a lot of the end-of-summer demands don't allow for that inherently. So we have to kind of create it in ways that work for us. And it might even be a little unexpected or not what you would have as your first choice. But sometimes, it's what pushes us to that point of being willing to do things a little bit differently than we otherwise would, and sometimes I think that serves us better than anything else.
So good luck to you, as you are likely also going through some of this as well. If you have any thoughts, share with me in the comments. I love hearing what's working well for you right now, but also what's been challenging.
As we open back up into the school year, I'm gonna start opening my calendar up for custom consultations. So if you're interested in troubleshooting anything in mom life, that's gonna be the perfect way for you and I to just get some time together face-to-face, talk through what's been going on for you, and have me just be there as a sounding board and bounce ideas off of each other and come up with some new approaches you could try. I could get resources in your hands. Whatever it is you need. Not necessarily from a standpoint as an expert, but obviously, I'm bringing 15-plus years of experience working with kids and parents, my own decade of being a mom, and so that always comes into play. But, you know, just really as someone else who is going through it, I'm here to just help you come up with approaches that work for you.
So whether it's that you want to troubleshoot something or, you know, things are okay, but you want to fine-tune them, or maybe you want to start wrapping your head around, "Okay, what's my start of the school year with the family going to look like? What transitions do I need to prepare for? What's appropriate for my kids, given their age? What should I expect in this grade?" Anything, really, that you want to fine-tune. So it doesn't have to be a problem, per se.
But if you are interested in that, I will have the details ready soon. But if you're like, "Yes, I absolutely am interested in learning more," you can just email me at erin@momlifehandbook.com and you could just say, "Hey, I'm interested in the custom consult. Can you send me more info?" I can send you the preliminary information if that's something that you want to get on your calendar. I feel like if you've gotten to this point in the message, you get first dibs. So feel free to lock down those dates before anyone else.
So that's coming your way. And yeah, next week is going to have our calm... oh my gosh, our calm start to August. So I'm going to lay out the month of August for you, everything you should have on your radar for back to school, and we're going to get you just that solid start to the month so you don't feel like you're just spending the month chasing your tail.
All right, that's everything for this month's Off the Record. I will be back next month with the next installment. Who knows what's gonna be on my mind then, but if I had to guess, it'll be about how the start of the school year is going. All right, talk soon. Bye.
A peek into my survival kit—
In the spirit of finding small joys & embracing a "whatever-works-right-now" approach, here are a few things on my radar this week:
📖 What I’m Reading: Sounds Like Love. I desperately needed a light, escapist read that required zero brainpower, and this absolutely checks the box.
💕 Latest Food Obsession: Goodpop Orange ‘n’ Cream pops. The kids love them, I love them, and they feel like a small taste of a less chaotic summer day.
🛒 Currently Shopping For: All the school supplies. Just finished the backpack hunt (although, I didn’t have to look far…these are the ONLY brand I’ll buy 🤭) & now we're on to the never-ending list of folders and pencils…
So that’s where my head is at as we close out July. It’s messy, it’s loud, and that’s okay. My biggest reminder to myself—and to you—is to be gentle. This is a season of "good enough." The rhythm of the school year will return & things will settle, but for now, let's just focus on getting through these last few weeks with a little more grace with ourselves & a lot less pressure.
I’d love to hear from you in the comments. Let's share some ideas. What's one small thing (a favorite snack, a show, a 5-minute win) that's getting YOU through this week?
Need a Sounding Board?
Sometimes, knowing you’re not alone is the support you need. Other times, you’ve sifted through all the generic advice online, you've hit a wall with a specific challenge, and you just need a dedicated space to talk it through with someone who gets it.
If you’re feeling that way as we head into this new season, I’m opening up my calendar for a limited number of private consultations. This is a chance for us to move beyond the more general resources here & focus entirely on you and what you need specifically.
I have two ways we can work together:
The 75-Minute Custom Consult ($397) This is for when you have that feeling that things in your family life could be better, but you're not quite sure how to get there. This is our dedicated space to talk through a broader challenge, find clarity, and map out a practical, intentional way forward that feels right for your family.
The 20-Minute Quick Consult ($99) Perfect for when you feel stuck on one specific issue—a tricky transition, a recurring power struggle, or a boundary you’re struggling to hold. If you need a trusted sounding board to troubleshoot a single problem and find a practical next step, this is for you.
If either of these feel like the support you’re looking for right now, simply send me an email at erin@momlifehandbook.com with "Consultation Inquiry" in the subject line. I’ll send you back all the details on how to book.
No pressure at all—just an open invitation if you need it. 😘
Keep Simplifying,
Erin
P.S. Miss my last post? You can find it here → When Family Travel Doesn't Go As Planned...