I ditched the back-to-school plan
...and stress that goes with it.
Okay, so, my kids went back to school last week…And in the weeks leading up to it, I just didn’t have the capacity to take on some big, back-to-school routine or plan. I couldn’t coordinate it all.
So I sat down & captured some thoughts in the moment. I know many of you are sending your own kids back this week or next, so it feels only right to share how I was feeling as I moved through the prep, in hopes it puts words to the experience & maybe even gives you the peace of mind that you can choose to take a similarly laid-back approach without feeling like you’re dropping the ball (because you won’t be).
Written—August 4, 2025
The kids start school in a couple of weeks and already the question is starting to bubble up inside me, that low-grade hum of anxiety that I know is familiar to so many of you: What are our mornings going to look like? How am I going to make this as easy as possible?
This year, it’s even more complex. My kids are going to two separate schools, literally across town from each other. The logistics alone could fill a whiteboard.
And I feel like the traditional parenting advice would tell me what I need is more. More structure. More routine. More checklists. More meal prep. More color-coded command centers.
I’m supposed to laminate things. I’m supposed to build a flawless system, an assembly line of efficiency to get us all out the door with perfectly packed lunches and zero friction.
But I’ve reached a point where I know the truth: those systems aren’t sustainable.
To kid ourselves that a rigid, multi-step plan is going to last is, frankly, unfair. It’s an unreasonable use of our precious time upfront—time that often ends up wasted. It creates more stress than it saves.
Think about it. We pour so much into these "solutions." Time, effort, money, yes—but also expectations. We load these systems up with the hope that they will finally be the thing that makes it all work.
And then, when it inevitably falls short (because a kid wakes up grumpy, or someone can’t find a shoe, or the universe simply decides to be chaotic), we’re left resentful of our family, frustrated with ourselves. We’re left feeling like we’re failing, like it says something terrible about us that we can’t get it together.
But the truth is, life with kids is too unpredictable. There are too many moving parts, too many variables—energy levels, moods, the invisible energy exchange between family members. It’s just too much to contain in a chart.
So heading into this school year, I’m ditching that entire mindset. It has never served me, and it wouldn’t be useful for me to preach that it’s what we should be doing.
If I think through what I know to be true, it’s this: Doing less is actually going to have more of an impact.
Instead of thinking about what I need to add to my plate, I’m getting crystal clear on what I’m taking off of it. I’m identifying the absolute, bare-minimum must-dos and then figuring out how to build as much white space around them as possible.
For my family, the biggest pressure point is time. My kids are just terrible at monitoring their own time; it’s a skill they haven’t honed yet. And if I’m rushing to get my own things done while also trying to teach them time management, I get frustrated. They get frustrated. It’s a disaster.
A better use of my time would be to simply be available to coach them through it. But that means I have to build a lot of empty space into our morning. The goal, of course, is that this isn't a permanent state. It’s a short-term investment in coaching them toward independence. The more independent they become, the less stressful our mornings will be for everyone.
And this is the other big piece of it: honoring what is useful and true for our kids.
We aren’t doing them any favors by trying to force them into a system that’s made for efficiency rather than for them. I want my kids to know what works for them so they can lean into it, so they can double down on their own nature. What works for me isn't necessarily going to work for them.
This isn’t coddling. This is teaching them to trust themselves.
It’s teaching them to know themselves so well that they can recognize, "You know what, just because other people do it that way doesn't mean I have to, because I know when I try, it backfires."
And this is the full-circle moment, isn’t it? Here I am, telling you that all the experts tell us to have this perfect morning routine, and I’m sitting here saying, No. That doesn’t work for me. I’m not doing that.
The same goes for our kids.
If we can raise them to be that confident in what works for them, there will be less people-pleasing. There will be less trying to change who they are for other people. And hopefully, it will help them circumvent the patterns that so many of us had conditioned into us.
So, where do you start?
Let's begin with a little gentle reflection. Instead of a big, overwhelming system, let's just get curious.
Your First Step
Here’s a question to think about this week. (You don't even need a journal. Just let it sit with you on a walk or in the car.)
What is one task or expectation you’re holding onto for school mornings because you feel you should? What would it feel like to let it go, just for a week?
Letting go could look like "I'm not making a hot breakfast every day" or "I’m letting go of the need for them to be perfectly dressed."
And in case this is something that you feel is maybe the direction to go in but aren’t sure if you can really pull it off, I want you to know that I’m kicking off our paid subscription in a few weeks where I’ll be helping you go from ideas to taking simple, straightforward action that doesn’t feel like there’s more you’ve got to do in order to be a good mom.
For $5 a month, you get practical support to help you apply these ideas in a way that actually lightens your load, not adds to it. When you subscribe, you’ll immediately unlock:
The full audio version of this post to listen on the go.
A guided set of Reflection Questions to pinpoint your specific pressure points.
Access to the full, growing archive of complete posts with paid features.
A monthly "Ask Me Anything" thread to drop your questions & get thoughts back from me personally!
For My Paid Subscribers (Free this week!) // Your Start to Easier Mornings
1. Listen on the Go
First, as promised, here is the audio version of this post. Pop in your earbuds and let these ideas sink in while you fold that laundry, drive to daycare pickup, or just steal 10 quick minutes for yourself. 💕
2. Reflection Questions to Pinpoint Your Pressure Points
Instead of a big, overwhelming system, let’s get curious. Use these prompts to gently explore what’s really going on in your mornings. Grab a journal, or just ponder them on your next walk.
What is the #1 emotion you feel on a typical school morning? (e.g., rushed, anxious, resentful, connected?)
What is the single biggest pressure point? Is it time? Is it getting kids to eat? Is it their mood? Is it your mood?
What is one task or expectation you’re holding onto because you feel you should? What would it feel like to let it go, just for a week?
How could you build 10 minutes of "white space" into your morning? What would you have to release to create that space?
In what small way can you honor your child's unique needs tomorrow morning? (e.g., letting the slow-moving child have 10 extra minutes, giving the sensory-sensitive child a different breakfast, etc.)
3. The Commitment to Actually Do less
After taking a day or two to really think through your pressure points, I bet you’ll have 1-3 that are top of mind. Let’s take time in the week ahead to just observe and consider: Where am I over-organizing, optimizing or overcompensating in order to try to control the situation? And—is it inadvertently creating more stress than intended?
Take a step back to see how you could distill the pressure point down to the essentials—the minimum-viable steps to success.
For me, I realized I’ve been people pleasing. I’ve taken on more than my fair share in my house so that others won’t be inconvenienced by what needs to get done before we head out to school. And the truth is, that was making me a stressed-out monster that was constantly losing it with the kids. Not. Worth. It.
So where can you do less? And how can you give back some of the responsibilities to their rightful owners? Also, does everything have to get tackled in the morning? I like to look at where we can get some of our ‘must-do’ items handled in the afternoons or evenings if need-be.
This is forever going to be a work in process, but I hope you’re starting to see that it’s not about fine-tuning your optimization. The secret is in fine-tuning your commitment to doing less. Not in a lazy way, but in a practical way. There’s only so much one mom can take on, so let’s make sure that what we’re taking on is actually doable.
I can’t wait to hear from you in the comments on how you’re planning to do less as you kick off the school year. Until then…
Keep Simplifying,
Erin
P.S. If this post resonated, please, please, please forward this on to a friend of yours who you know is also already thinking about the start of the school year and dreading it. Let’s help each other feel a little less alone in it all.