It's not you, it's your morning routine. 😮‍💨

Because maybe the goal isn't a perfect morning at all, but actually a peaceful one.

[When I wrote this…it was a] Sunday morning. A day for a slower pace, but if you’re anything like me, there’s also that low-grade hum of thinking about the week ahead. And with the first few weeks of school under our belts, the reality of morning routines has officially set in at our house.

There’s a part of me that loves the return to rhythm. After a summer of constantly being on demand, the predictability can feel like a fresh start. And because it feels like a fresh start, the temptation is to finally get the mornings right this year.

But I've seen myself & far too many other moms fall into the trap of hyper-organizing our mornings, trying to create a perfect system where all the boxes get checked.

It doesn't take very long for those systems to inevitably fall apart. Mom life is just too unpredictable for that level of structure.

A quick note: The article below shares my complete idea—the 'what' and the 'why.' For paid subscribers, I've also included the tools for the 'how': a few informal, behind-the-scenes videos, an extended Q&A ...and with this post, we're kicking off Your Personal Playbook—a new feature to help you apply these ideas in a simple, intentional way.

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The Trap of the "Perfect" Morning

I really admire the moms that a color-coded, minute-by-minute schedule works for. I wish that could be all of us, but it's simply not. I’ve had to learn the hard way that there are just too many variables at play for a system like that to ever be reliable.

Our own energy levels, everyone's moods, what's on the calendar... there's just so much that can go wrong & it can go wrong so fast.

When we try to hyper-organize, it's really just a reflection that we are trying to manage too much. Over the years, I’ve learned to watch out for a few things that are almost always at play when things start to feel like they’re unraveling.

Watch out for…

1. Over-Functioning So many of us are doing too much for too many people. We’re making sure everyone else's needs are met, that we're not dropping the ball at work, at home, in our partnerships. It is so exhausting. Going into this school year, I just invite you to start noticing it in your day: where am I doing more than is necessary? Where am I just doing something by default, rather than with intention? Just seeing it is the first step.

2. Unseen Pressure Points Often, when a routine feels like a total failure, there's actually a lot that's working just fine. It’s usually just one or two unrecognized pressure points that create a domino effect & send the whole thing off the rails. My biggest pressure point is when I'm trying to do my own things while also getting the kids ready. I’ve got too much to do & too little time & no one's cooperating. That's when I really start to lose it. If you can pinpoint those few moments & just spot-correct those things, everything else has a way of calming down.

3. Rigidity Type-A systems require us to not miss a step, to be incredibly consistent. And that means a lot of rigidity.

And rigidity & kids do not mix. It’s like vinegar & oil.

I feel like our kids come to teach us the lesson to just be flexible. Your morning routine isn't that serious. It's okay if the dishwasher's not loaded before you get out the door. If it means preventing a meltdown because you spent that time helping your kid through a tough moment, that is time & energy well spent.

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The Rhythm: What's Working In My House

Okay, so I'm in a unique season of life where I'm not reporting to a nine-to-five & I have more flexibility. But that said, I've got two kids in two different schools & we still have to leave by ten to eight. There are mornings that are successful & mornings that are a hot mess.

I’ve run the gamut—from getting a baby & a toddler out of the house before 7 a.m. to get to my teaching job, to now. And I can tell you that the struggles are the same. We are all just moms trying to get our kids out the door.

At the end of the day, the thing that I've learned is that each person has their own rhythm. Me trying to tell my kids what's best for them has backfired time & again. So a lot of this has just been trial & error.

For Me: Creating White Space

What's working for me right now is to build a little white space into my mornings before the kids get up. My only job in that first window of the day is to take care of me & the dog. I don't decide what I'm going to do until I'm actually awake. Sometimes I need extra sleep. Other days, I sit on my PEMF mat for grounding & do a 5-minute breathwork session on the Open app. By front-loading my own care—even just for 10 minutes—I'm way more available to help my kids without getting as frustrated.

For the Kids: Honoring Their Differences

My kids are total opposites. My 11-year-old needs more time, about an hour, to slowly ease into the day. They get distracted easily. What's been a game-changer for them is their Charmspring board. It's tactile, hands-on & they have autonomy over it. It’s a physical menu on their wall that they can't lose.

My 9-year-old, on the other hand, is my morning person. They're up, they know what to do & they get it done fast—like, in 20 minutes. Their preferred tool is our Hearth display in the mudroom. It’s a digital family command center where they can see their list & check things off.

By getting the right structures in place for them, I've found that I have to do a lot less.

Your Questions

There were just too many good questions to put the all in writing but here’s a peek at 2 questions I thought everyone would appreciate this week. (But if you want more of the Q&A, head to the subscriber-only section of the post for the full video!)

1. How do you stay calm when the clock is ticking?

   I don't. Seriously, I don't. It is so stressful to me when we're late & my family isn't moving. Like, I lose my mind. But here's what I've learned…

   
   One, there's no point in turning it into a teaching moment. Everyone's already stressed, & when we're stressed, our brains aren't primed for learning. So I just tell myself, now is not the time. That alone takes the edge off.

   
   Two, I give myself permission to let things go. I am not worrying if there are still plates on the kitchen table. It's okay if the house looks like a bomb went off. I'll deal with it later. The way I stay calm is to get ahead of it by letting go.
   

2. What's your rule on screen time in the mornings?
   It's a no-go. School days are generally screen-free in our house. That's what works for our family.

   
   I think from a teacher perspective: what is priming my kids' brains for a good day of learning? And for us, screens just aren't it. But you ultimately know what your family needs. You know your limitations. You know what's working for you now. If your kids are used to having screens, going cold turkey would be really hard. There's no one right or wrong answer on this. Our family rule is just no screens in the morning.

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I'll leave you with this thought:

Less stress is more important than perfect execution.

I used to get so frustrated that my kids' pajamas were on the floor or that they didn't make their beds. The more I've learned to just let go, the less stressful things have been. Am I okay with them not making their beds in exchange for having a calm, peaceful start to our day? 100%.

It's not worth the battle to me.

I just invite you to find where in your life you're adding unnecessary pressure because of expectations. And maybe, just maybe, try things a little bit differently this week.

Keep Simplifying,
Erin

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P.S. For those of you in the paid Inner Circle, I have a few short, informal videos for you below—a little tour of the tools I mentioned & a longer, more personal Q&A.

And if you're curious, you can join anytime for $5/month to get access to all the paid perks, like our new micro-workshop on creating a morning rhythm that actually works for you. But this week, I’m offering a free 7-day trial so you can sneak a peek & see if it’s a good fit for you. 😘 Just tap the button below to try it out!