I'm not making the most of my 18 summers.

on normalizing normal summers, living in the moment & keeping life practical.

I’m jotting this down poolside. Three kids are next to me in a very intense round of UNO & the girls are splashing in front of me, playing out a very detailed undercover spy drama. But don’t let that picturesque snapshot fool you.

Of course I’m relishing in this time with my kids. Of course I love seeing them in their element. Of course I want to soak up everything about them that makes them so incredibly special.

But also? I really miss the predictability & rhythm of the school year (and you’d better believe I know exactly how many weeks we have left until it’s back in session). I’m so touched-out, my house is so loud & being around my family 24/7 is not always the fun the Instagram reels tell me it should be. Summers off for the kids does not mean a summers off for mom…quite the opposite actually…and I struggle to understand why this sentiment continues to be so pervasive in our culture.

The “you only have 18 summers with your kids” line is a bit of a guilt trip. It uses how much I love them to make sure I make the most of every last day of it. In my home, that’s 91 straight days of momming when all is said & done.

And balancing the demands of summer break with what I know I want & need time for is a real struggle.

In our culture, there’s a lot of pressure (that’s very real) to be a present, engaged parent & it feels like a losing game in a vacuum of parental guilt. Because when you do the math, your options are wiping out your PTO in the first 2 weeks of summer or forking out $12k to send two kids to camp. Neither of those is a realistic solution.

So until cultural norms shift, we’re left managing it alone. And we’re trying to make the best of it, but it’s hard. Really hard.

We went back to Chicago to visit family & friends and it took me at least 10 days to finally be able to catch up on the laundry alone because our days have been so disjointed & busy.

We live in a culture that idolizes the ease & care-free nature of summer, but in truth it’s the time of year that’s anything but. Of course it’s fun, of course it’s a little looser. But it comes at a cost & if you’ve been feeling the extra strain I don’t think it says anything about you or what you’re incapable of. It says everything about the expectations we’re up against, have internalized & are trying so hard to manage well.

For me, personally, I’ve let go of the daily plan, the camp spreadsheets or expectation that I’m going to get this “right”. I truly believe that if something like a structured summer hasn’t served me well, then the opposite could quite possibly be the thing that finally “works” for us & so far it is proving more helpful than not.

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I’m working really hard to embrace my kids’ boredom. I’ve stopped letting myself bear a sense of responsibility for it & slowly (but surely) the kids are finding meaningful ways to entertain themselves.

And at 10 & 12, I’m letting my kids have a little more freedom roaming the neighborhood & initiating playdates with kids in the area. Honestly, those hours where they’re meaningfully occupied are immensely helpful.

Also, during the school year, Jason & I have a tradition of going to the coffee shop in town on weekdays. Lately, we’ve been making the kids a part of that. And thankfully it’s right next to the playground so I’ve been sending the kids to play at the park & intentionally choosing that to be our place of daily big movement & outdoor access before the day gets too hot.

Sometimes my middle schooler isn’t crazy about playing on the equipment, which is fine. I usually have a tote of some sort of art activity in tow & we’ll sit under a tree, creating & listening to our audiobook.

I’ll also add that I’ve tried to say yes to productive screen time (passive time is still preserved for weekends). It feels appropriate right now & I appreciate that it’s an option when the time is right.

The one thing that’s been the true shift is navigating the “balance” between time w/ the kids, managing the household, working & fitting in time for myself as well.

It’s been a challenge & I can’t say I’ve figured it out. But maybe that’s just how life with kids is.

Talk soon,
Erin

P.S. If you’re a paid subscriber, this week’s voice memo is about the part of the balance I have managed to hold onto—two hours a week that I don’t compromise on, no matter what…plus the parts I’m still fumbling with. It’s at the bottom of the post, right below the essay voiceover. Just scroll down & hit play.

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I’m Erin, a former teacher, wife & mom of two in Boulder, Colorado. This is where I write about what it looks like to stop running my life the way I was told to & start trusting what I know is right for me instead.

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